rainbowparaprincess

Okay so its been a while since I have been able to write a journal entry. School Started up and life got a bit crazy, But yesterday I met the cutest girl who is absolutely amazing. As for my former heart break crush she is me best friend so I guess everything has worked out so far.

Hey so today I confessed my feelings for an amazing person who I fell for. Essentially I am not the key to her lock although she said I helped her to figure out more about the type of person she does love. I guess helping her with something is a silver lining.  Looking back now I was stupid as hell I should have just been content with having the best friendship of my life but instead I hoped for more, something deeper than a best friend and I don't know why I was so foolish.  So today was another lesson. I don't like heartbreak (then again I don't think that anybody does). I don't exactly have a friend to talk to about it either because the friend I feel close enough with to cry  in front of is the cause of the my stay in heartbreak hotel and it's almost midnight so my other friends are asleep. Although being the amazing person miss heartbreaker is she tried to play the best friend role and help me as best she could. You know I'm glad she is still my friend but I can't exactly cry about the person who rejected me to the person who rejected me. It just doesn't work and at this point as far as she is concerned I'm completely fine and asleep right now. I just didn't want to bother her anymore. She is too good a  person to have to deal with someone like me and I don't know why she does. I'm not exactly known for having a high self esteem but she always tries to make me see someone beautiful every time I looked into the mirror. Whenever she gave me a compliment no matter how small it was it sent my confidence higher and higher. She made me forget that I was in a wheelchair with her I was just a normal person  with a normal level of self esteem with a normal sexuality . I wasn't the person who everyone made fun of and for that I love her. Maybe now that she rejected me these feelings will shift into a platonic love and maybe I will only want her as my best friend like how she only wants me as her best friend. I know I will get over her I just hope it happens soon because I just want to still have that same amazing friendship. I guess despite all this I know that in this big word there is a woman out there who will love me as much as I love her between you and me I hope I meet her soon.         ~ A.Fox

Oh the woes of this gay girl, there is always the problem of femme invisibility, feeling forever alone, and straight girl crushes! What is a girl to do? My answer....Write about it! It is what always helps me! Writing and journaling has always worked to make me feel better and explore a situation although the problem with my private diary on pen and paper is that it is only me myself and I in the conversation although this is good for somethings others not so much. A good friend brought up to me that putting my diary online could help resolve some of the problems (or at the very least possibly attain useful advice, friends and a comfortable place to rant and share). So please no hate! I don't intend to upset or offend anyone or "flaunt" I am just looking for an outlet where I can be myself and if I am lucky talk to some really awesome people and make some new friends! I am a little nervous and apprehensive  about trying this so please be understanding again no hate please and thank you!
~A.Fox